I don’t have any content for this movie... Introduction
At Christmas, you need to write holiday reviews for good films such as Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Vampires vs. Zombie, and even House by the Road. I wanted to write a holiday review first, too, but one ungrateful crow brought me the terrible news that my respected French filmmakers had already managed to remake Angelica, Marquis of Angels. "They have no soul!" I cried in a fit. My mood fell below the plinth, and under it sat my old friend Dario Argento. “Better with Dario than with myself,” I said to myself as I set the festive table. For three hours we sat at the table and talked about everything (even Fior). And later began to hear some very suspicious moans from the cellar of Argento. "Who do you have?" I asked the old man. “And this is Mikhail Kokshenov and his last film,” Argento replied to me and knocked me out with a slash through my thigh.
Review
Indeed, I watched here the other day the last film of the great and terrible Mikhail Kokshenov under a very curious title – “Theater Trap”. My hair on my head became gray from watching this masterpiece in quotation marks. Everything interesting ended immediately after the title. To call it a bad movie is to compliment it, because it is beyond all bad cinema combined. Any of the most disgusting films can seem like a real work of art after watching Mikhail Kokshenov’s latest film. I don’t really understand much about this movie, but I’ll try to tell you a little bit about it.
There is an apartment where three actresses sit together with their alleged boss or she is even the administrator of the theater. I don't remember who that woman was, but it doesn't matter. And then our old friends Misha Kokshenov and Lesha Buldakov (just remember their faces) come to the girls, who play some bandits or just brothers from the 90s. Why did they come to the girls' apartment? Who's talking to have an orgy? Right, to get girls drunk and then have dirty sex with them. If you have not yet remembered the faces of Koksenov and Buldakov, then it is time to do so. All the girls seem to agree, except for the newest (or she is not new to them, anyway), but our folk (!!!) artists drink the baby. And the next morning, she starts screaming that she'll turn everyone over to the police for rape. And this is just the beginning of the film, and then only worse.
Who even wrote this game? Young actresses give themselves to some old people just because they play in some lousy theater. And the funny thing is that this heroine, who was allegedly raped at the very beginning of the film, will try to do it again, but only on the stage. What kind of hell is this? Do you even imagine this picture? Maybe I don’t understand what, or really now on the stage of the theater such a bacchanalia is possible. Panin won falls into the theater stupidly with beer (Baltika 0 aha ha ha). Behaves like a pig, throws out other people, sits down with his brothers on the first row. And you haven't forgotten the boss who sat with the girls in the apartment. Do you think she participated in the orgy or not? And then I went into battle...
God save this world and especially Russia. It's so bad it's not even funny anymore. When very bad but funny, it's Lloyd Kaufman. Only here Kokshenov to Kaufman three oceans to swim and try not to drown in his cinematic heresy. His latest directorial film Theatre Trap is a real perversion, not a movie. I fully understand that Kokshenov is not the best Soviet actor (bandits and bulls played), but he fell in my eyes below all. Why make a movie like that? If they wanted to remove the social, to take the inside out of the theater, then nothing happened, because the production is very bad. I just don't believe in the drama of the movie. What a drama if you want to drop a bomb on all the actors led by Michael. I don’t even need to say that Kokshenov just decided to laugh. You’ve made one or two movies and laughed, but he’s got 15 of them. All of them are very terrible, so no longer to joke.
Boring, stupid, uninteresting. I'll never forget that bed scene. Tinto Brass is a nervous smoker. There is no need to talk about acting. Michael does not care about the acting of his wards, as well as not care about his audience. He has a lot of viewers (the Internet has helped). I would be embarrassed if I were in a movie like this. If I did porn with a Nacho Vidal, I would tell everyone and be proud of it. This is a shame! And in general, how can you sell all this, excuse me, bayda, people with serious facial expressions? Watching this movie in your right mind is clearly not worth it, pity your nerves and do not spoil your holiday. The best holiday in the world!
Epilogue
I woke up in my underwear in the snow. Argento stole all my clothes and left me with a broken nose in the woods. And I had a tattoo on my chest that said, "This is for Dracula." I was very lucky because I was carried out of the woods by Werner Herzog, who was wandering around looking for Klaus Kinsky. I got my tattoo, but even now I can’t understand why he did this to me.
P.S.
And a ghost...